You got bored with regular sex, so you dive into Kamasutra. Without understanding Kamasutra correctly, you browse the web take out a few positions and hope for a pleasurable union, which doesn’t happen. You go back to understand Kamasutra and realise that this was not what you were looking for. You have already watched fifty shades of grey, so now you try to imitate some scenes from the movie after one or 2 times it feels boring again. Then you decide that sadomasochism, bondage, domination and submission is not for you.
What are you doing wrong?
You are doing right by exploring all of this to find new methods of arousal, you are doing wrong by just exploring all of this on its surface.
What is sadomasochism?
I define Sadomasochism as the use of psychological dominance or submission, physical bondage, pain and related practices in a safe and consensual manner for participants to enjoy erotic arousal or personal growth. A new term gaining currency is BDSM which incorporates Bondage and Discipline, Domination and submission and Sadism & Masochism.
Are you a woman who feels ecstasy flowing in her veins rapidly when your partner bites your nipples, restrains you with his belt or your clothes or sometimes spanks you for real? Are you a man who enjoys when your partner sits on the top of you and fucks you silly or puts their fingers through your asshole? You might already be in sadomasochism.
Now the bigger question arises why on earth would anyone enjoy pain? Why does anyone like vanilla ice cream or chocolate for that matter? Why does anyone like to watch movies or eat something spicy? The answer is as simple as that. There is nothing wrong with people enjoying sadomasochism. It’s just a human trait, and no more derivation about your personality should be derived from this.
How to find a partner?
SM relationships are relationships between equals. It is not the contemporary view, but it is more practical and enjoyable. One of the standard practices is that in an SM relationship if one partner is dominant, they have to stay dominant and submissive has to remain submissive. Let me put some clarity on this topic, It is a practice, not a rule. Many times couples like to exchange roles for personal growth and to intoxicate the SM relationship. The key to entering into such a relationship is trust and belief that both partners love to take care of each other’s desires and needs. I would recommend finding a partner with whom you already have a sexual relationship and then trying each role. In practice, a dominant can also become submissive, or a submissive can also become a dominant depending upon the mental needs. Yes, it doesn’t sound very 50 shades or porn, but it an easy method of arousal without much toxification. Humans cannot stay in one state forever.
How to go about practising SM?
If you are being dominant, you have to be completely clear in conveying of your intentions to the submissive. Your ethics should match that of a good physician.you should carefully describe the general features of the proposed session to the submissive. Being dominant is a tough job. Don’t let your temptations severely damage a submissive both physically or mentally.
If you are being a submissive, you are asking a lot of the dominant. As much as you would like to please your dominant do transparently convey your fears and consents. Be honest and upfront about the kinds of play that interests you.
Any SM session should start with moderation, and then the intensity should increase slowly. Before the use of whips, damps and other equipment, you should be good at using your hands and mouth. They are basic and potent tools. Your hands can pinch, squeeze, poke, spank, pull and caress. Your lips tongue and teeth are some of the most pleasurable instruments. The feedback you get from using your hands and mouth is invaluable in deciding further activities.when starting with physical bondage make sure to start with cotton clothes. If ropes are being employed, they should be soft and flexible. It is never necessary to tie somebody that tightly that their body parts go to sleep. Never tie someone and leave them unattended.No bondage should involve the front of neck.always keep scissors nearby to open up the whole bondage in less than 60 seconds. When using candles, make sure you try dropping the wax on yourself first. To get a good idea of what height the candle must take and how hot the wax is gonna be. Use paraffin wax candles which should not have plastic in them. Never use wax on hair in pubic areas.
And most importantly keep researching and communicating with your partner about your needs and their needs. Like any other relationship, SM relationships require excellent communication.